panic

I had a bad day on Monday
If you want to give it a label
Call it a panic attack

Do you know the feeling?

Everything caves inside yourself
The weight becomes unbearable

You’re not yourself
You can’t speak or think
Like you normally do

You seek a place of refuge
Behind the wheel of a car
Crouched in the shower
You let the tears flood

You’re reaching for air
That’s just out of grasp
Raw eyes, red face, swollen, sweaty
Your switch flipped

I need coffee
I need ocean
I need him

I numbly wander through the hours
To find myself
Caffeinated
On the concrete steps of the foreshore

I struggle with the temptation
Of confining in him
He’s just a distraction
From fighting the fight myself

I feel the pain
And let it be there
This is just another phase
To becoming a better me

I will embrace the runaway
Reflect on it

Because I know now
Alone
Doesn’t mean lonely

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