the twenty first of March

Dear Kaylee,

It’s 11:16pm and I’m now 21. The day’s activities have included an 11 hour split shift, getting stuck in Ed Sheeran traffic TWICE and going to bed alone on my birthday for the first time in a long time.

On any other day these events would just contribute to an average day, right!?

But because it’s my birthday, I’m expecting everything to just fall into place. To be filled with bloody rainbows and unicorns. In fact, I’ve been telling people all day that it’s just another day.

Yet, as I was driving home from work, in very slow moving traffic, I was thinking about how I haven’t received one gift today. I was thinking about arriving home to a house that’s silent and asleep. I was sad and frustrated with myself.

Once I pulled into the driveway, I saw the light under the house was on. I step through the gate to find a rainbow piñata sitting in the middle of the concrete floor. It’s labeled with a speech-bubble-shaped-card titled “HOLA!”.

Dear Kaylee,
We hope you’ve had an amazing 21st birthday!
Love Tyler, Ryan and Matt

I sat on the floor and sobbed a little. No matter how you feel about birthdays, they’re a forced day of reflection and unfortunately sometimes comparison.

They’re a day that represents your birth as a physical being. A day of importance, no matter what.

Today I watched the sun rise from behind the clouds. I danced like no one’s watching. I smoked a single cigarette in the pouring rain. I drank a free of charge espresso martini on my night shift. I received so many kind words from loved ones. Then I ended my day with a beautiful rainbow piñata filled with goodies.

I think I’ll name him Marcus…

Buenas noches amigos. I have work at 7am tomorrow.

All my love,

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