there’s a barrier between us
the obstacle of honesty
do you want to break it down?
or are you just dancing with yourself?
I didn’t ask for much
you won’t meet many like me
so hold on to
what’s about to let go
you’ll miss me
I promise
"writing is listening to your heart and taking notes"
there’s a barrier between us
the obstacle of honesty
do you want to break it down?
or are you just dancing with yourself?
I didn’t ask for much
you won’t meet many like me
so hold on to
what’s about to let go
you’ll miss me
I promise
I want to wrap you
in the layers of me
protect you from your demons
that won’t let you be
and right now
I’m filled
to the absolute brim
with magic and sparkles
so, please
let me share it with you
I had a bad day on monday
if you must know
I had a panic attack
do you know the feeling?
everything caves inside yourself
the weight becomes unbearable
you can’t speak or think
like you normally do
you seek a place of refuge
behind the wheel of a car
crouched in the shower
you let the tears flood
you’re reaching for air
that’s just out of your grasp
raw eyes, red face, swollen, sweaty
your switch flipped
I need coffee
I need ocean
I need him
I numbly wander through the hours
to find me
caffeinated
on the concrete steps of the foreshore
I struggle with the temptation
of confining in him
he’s just a distraction
from fighting the fight myself
I feel the pain
and let it be there
this is just another phase
to becoming a better me
because I know now
alone
doesn’t mean lonely
I’m next to you
probably too much
all that trying
altered to hurt
breaking stones
knotting roots
ruthless habits
my temple ignored
real
transparent
honest
woman
hidden
behind
illusions
lies
you are too young
to be this stressed
just relax
little one
if it was that simple
like the flick of a switch
would you see me here
numb to the bone?
are these lies for me too?
I need to untangle my crown
as her fingers thawed
in the first crack of sunlight
she couldn’t imagine
being anywhere else but here
planning her route was futile
her burning soul always led her astray
north, south, east, west
there was no right or wrong way
all her belongings
in the van from 1992
life is pumping through her veins
in the simplest way
the day warming her heart
and the night kissing her skin
she’s 93% stardust
with a soul made of flames
baby
you really hurt me
I know you’re fine without me
in fact
better than ever
aren’t you?
so I guess I’ll go “home”
to the room called mine
it feels so juvenile
I am empty
I left a piece of myself
in the coolest little capital
another life left behind
what is home?
I’m so hard to please
I try my best
I know you’re right
I’ll do better on my own
I’m not regretful
I’m just dumbfounded
that my love was as thick as the morning fog
so dense
I couldn’t see through it
I realize now
you were a source of therapy
twenty-four months
maybe I helped you too
although
I understand baby
I’m a liability
and at the end of the day
we’re so far off each others pages
that it’s hard to believe
we were ever on the same one