april 21, 2018

dear kaylee,

I’ve realized something

we can have bad relationships
with words and phrases
just as we do
people and addictions

one word
I’ve always had
a bad relationship with
is ‘comparison’

in today’s day to day
comparison of one another is ever-present
with the aid of social media, advertising
and even our education system

we are put up against one another
to be judged on who’s smarter
who’s prettier
and who’s got a higher follower count

but comparison can be healthy
comparison is a useful tool for personal growth

today I compared my 2km run to my 0km run yesterday
today I compared my current priorities to the ones I had 12 months ago
today I compared my upcoming solo travel to being controlled by a job 18 months ago

I’m going to end this with a quote I read this morning

“the secret to a peaceful world is in the transformation of the individual; we do not need to love perfectly or be fully healed, we just need a critical mass of people who understand that to harm another is to harm oneself”
– yang pueblo

all my love,

march 21, 2018

dear kaylee,

it’s 11:16pm and I’m now 21

the day’s activities have included
an 11 hour split shift
getting stuck in traffic for ed sheeran’s concert… twice
and going to bed alone on my birthday

on any other day, these events would contribute to an average day, right!?

but because it’s my birthday
I’m expecting everything to just fall into place
to be filled with bloody rainbows and unicorns
in fact, I’ve been telling people all day
that to me, it’s just another day

yet, as I was driving home from work
in very slow moving traffic
I was thinking about
how I haven’t received one gift today

I was thinking about arriving home
to a house that’s silent and asleep
I was sad and frustrated with myself

once I pulled into the driveway
I saw the light under the house was on
I step through the gate to find a rainbow piñata
sitting in the middle of the concrete floor
it’s labeled with
a speech-bubble-shaped-card titled “HOLA!”

dear kaylee,
we hope you’ve had an amazing 21st birthday!
love tyler, ryan, and matt

I sat on the floor and sobbed a little
no matter how you feel about birthdays
they’re a forced day of reflection
and unfortunately sometimes comparison

they’re a day that represents
your birth as a physical being
a day of importance
no matter what

today I watched the sun rise from behind the clouds
I danced like no one’s watching
I smoked a single cigarette in the pouring rain
I drank an espresso martini on my night shift
I received so many kind words from loved ones
then I ended my day with a beautiful rainbow piñata filled with goodies

I think I’ll name him marcus

buenas noches amigos
I have work at 7am tomorrow

all my love,