february 10, 2018

dear kaylee,

last night
I put my head on the pillow
with full intentions of attending a photo gallery opening
the next day, at 10am

today, 10am comes around, I’ve slept well
I’ve eaten breakfast and made my bed
I’m feeling renewed and prepared to wander the streets of new farm
after surrounding myself with some kick-ass photography

instead, I find myself invited for coffee
with my dear friend and his gorgeous little boy
we stroll to the local cafe down the road
basking in the morning sun rays
and listening to planes fly overhead

an intention I set for myself recently
is to infuse more and more play into my everyday
I want to stop taking life so seriously
but still be taken seriously

however
if seriously means not doing things that make my inner child happy
if seriously means dulling down my creativity
if seriously means sacrificing my curiosity
I’m not interested

so this morning
with 10am long gone
I’m invited by a curious little seven year old
to play with his lego on his bedroom floor

I follow him and ask
“what do you want me to make?!”

his heart-warming reply
“I want you to make whatever you want to!”

so I sit down
on the damn bedroom floor
and I engage my inner child
to create whatever I want to create

I’m submitting to life a little more
going with the flow
circulating my energy

how are you?

all my love,
kaylee

february 3, 2018

dear kaylee,

I’m sitting in a bright, open sun-room
that’s lined with walls of louvered windows
it’s 2:06pm and the sun is reflecting off the glass
and creating small rainbows all over the grey, tiled floor

the house is an old queenslander
full of character in a suburb of brisbane
inside lives a wonderful human
who I met through a friend just over a week ago

now kaylee
I realize it’s been a while since we talked
time flies when you’re having fun, right?!
and trust me I’ve been having plenty

I’ve frolicked around a sugar cane plantation at 6 o’clock in the morning
embarked on 15 kilometre return walk to lake mackenzie at dusk
watched the sunset over hammerstone sandblow after collecting fulgurite
swam in eli creek by the moonlight
wandered through sunflower fields in toowoomba
flown over stradbroke island in a two-seater plane
celebrated music by dancing the night away in fortitude valley
sat atop kangaroo point cliffs following a night of no sleep
admired the lights of brisbane city on story bridge
walked along woody point esplanade with a beer in one hand and six-pack in the other
received four raw cake slices from charlie’s raw squeeze for the price of two
received a $90 parking fine in milton
felt at home amongst the west end market stalls
and I’ve just finished up making a batch of dough for tonight’s pizza party

these experiences involved a connection with nature and like-minded people
they involved open minds and open hearts
they involved freedom, adventure, and learning
they involved coming back to a space I could call my own
an overwhelming feeling of ‘home, sweet home’

I’m eight days into ‘living on the road’
and I can’t remember the last time
I felt this content, this happy

kaylee, what does happy look like to you?

all my love,
kaylee

january 9, 2018

dear kaylee,

I’m sitting in the middle of a shopping centre food court
with four sushi rolls and an iced long black
I’m wearing a white camisole which starkly contrasts my sun-kissed skin
behind me, children scream from the heights of the primary coloured playground
this would usually send me running for the hills
today, I welcome the playful, messy chaos
as it’s similar to the inner workings of my mind

I’m vibrating with a sudden renewed energy
as told in my previous entry
my recent confrontation with my emotional blockages
has cleared the way for my set intentions

“2018 will be the year of vulnerability, learning, collaboration, failure, and mindfulness” 

as the caffeine sends my mind into a frenzy of backflips
I document this moment as a high in my life
I’m embracing the reality of life’s different phases
like the moon that moves around and around the earth
the roller coaster that is our life
sends us up and down, side to side, up and down

all my love,
kaylee

january 6, 2018

dear kaylee,

twelve months ago
you were cycling the south island of new zealand
wondering why the hell you decided
to attempt a task so physically challenging

every single day
you were in tears
after internally screaming to yourself
“I can’t do this!” over and over again

though
isn’t it interesting?
how you vividly remember
the emotional pain over the physical?

for the past few months
you’ve been checking in with your emotions
and releasing them
into your writing

you keep telling yourself
that you’ll go that step further
prioritize time to sit down, undisturbed
to really focus on the pain and why it’s there

last night you had no choice
but to face the sudden rush of intense emotion
after a physically stressful and moody afternoon
it was indeed inevitable

instead of facing your overdriven mind
you distracted yourself with unrelated tasks
disappointed with yourself
you lay eyes to the ceiling
feeling more disconnected than ever

this morning
you woke slowly and wandered to the ocean
to allow your emotions to fill you up
and breathe through your body

the sun was masked behind thick cloud
gifting you with plenty of time
to not worry about its intensity

with the salt air filling your lungs
you reminded yourself
that your goals won’t be achieved overnight

to enjoy the journey
you must be gentle
and focus on being patient

all my love,
kaylee

her

there you were
spaghetti strapped linen
radiating a healthy mask
so dissimilar to my daydreams

strength and resilience
shine through your forest ringed eyes
as we discuss our mundane problems
with mirrored minds

all of a sudden
another crack in my golden heart
when you left I was awoken
to our deep connection

I’m sorry for being selfish
for making excuses
I’m here now
and it’s exactly where I want to be